Mood Music

Got something on my mind I need to get your input on.

You all know I’m a huge music buff. I listen to just about everything, but one my biggest loves is intellectual or “backpack” hip-hop. and over the past few months, a few of my favorite artists have released new material I’ve been peeping.

First of all, Comedian Donald Glover (from community and 30 rock) moonlights as the rapper Childish Gambino, and he’s actually pretty good. he released a concept album called “Because the Internet” which is about the confusion in his personal life and how we all have been negatively affected by the internet. Good stuff.

I’m also a big fan of underground rap legend¬†Pharoahe Monch, and he released an album called PTSD which is actually kind of self-explanatory. It’s a concept album about depression and its causes.

The third album I picked up is from Royce Da 5’9, Joe Budden, Crooked I and Joel Ortiz, collectively known as the battle rap supergroup¬†Slaughterhouse. It was a free album called House Rules which is a preview of their upcoming major album. but on House Rules they talked a lot about their personal struggles like losing family members to cancer and being so po’ you can’t afford the o and the r.

And the latest album i grabbed is by by my favorite rap group,¬†The Roots. Their album is called “and then you shoot your cousin.” and it’s another concept album about dumb rap cliches and the sad, hopeless people who live by them.

Real cheery stuff, right?

Well, I didn’t think anything of the subject matter at the time, I just liked the music. I was listening to these albums on heavy rotation for the past couple of months, especially the Roots album. it’s musically brilliant and the songs haunt you. I mean, they REALLY haunt you. right now I’ve got the melodies and lyrics of a few of the songs stuck in my head. And therein lies the problem.

I just had a dream of trying to commit suicide. Believe me, guys, i have absolutely NO desire to kill myself. yeah, there’s a lot of crap in my life I wish would improve, but things could be a ton worse. I have a beautiful, loving wife, a job, a house and two cars, family that supports me through thick and thin, and great friends like you all who give me reasons to smile. I like myself, and I like my life. but in my dream, I’m literally wrestling with myself mentally, telling myself the only way my family will be safe is if i died. this dream bothered me for the rest of the day. I wondered why would I have these thoughts even subconsciously.

I had to take a serious look at the music i was listening to. Specifically these four albums, which I had been listening to more than anything else as of late. it’s basically a whole lot of sad songs about sad people leading sad lives. everyone in these songs is miserable, and I’m wondering if that has somehow filtered into my mind and made me miserable too.

Am I offbase with this? is this music really affecting my mood that much or am i overanalysing things? either way, i think I’m going to take those albums off of my playlist for a while and listen to some more positive, uplifting music. doesn’t necessarily have to be gospel, but some of that will be on the menu too. Any suggestions?